If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize