oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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