5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had to cum in my sink.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
