I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
True but thats because hes a fetus.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
