I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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