You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
