I must be too annoying 4 u.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
