i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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