So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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