If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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