You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
