Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
