OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
