So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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