I'm so fucking centered right now
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
