Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
