Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
