I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
