is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
