elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
