Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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