MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
