Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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