What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
