please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can I color on your dick again?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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