i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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