She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
