WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
