My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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