if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Your dad touched me again.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
