people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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