Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
