We talked him into tasing himself.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
