I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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