never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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