how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
