The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
