kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
