Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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