I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
