DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
