I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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