Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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