I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
