I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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