We won't sleep together?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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