Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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