so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize