Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
