Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize