Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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