Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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