Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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