why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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