4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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