and you said cock pushups were impossible
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
