You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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