we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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