I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
