you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
