we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How does one acquire holy water?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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